roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
