we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
