How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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