i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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