porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
