It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
