I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize