RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
