For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
