I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
