she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
