A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
