I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Houston, we have a squirter
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
