I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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