I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize