I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
