dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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