dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
