i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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