im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
