Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize