Jerry, you need to find god
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize