I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
