I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
