Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
