Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
