these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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