my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
