I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wish my penis had a tongue
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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