You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize