I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
