so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
