you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
