im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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