I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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