My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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