Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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