The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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