If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
