I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
