Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
