There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dignity is for republicans.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
