Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
