I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
