I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
