fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
this just has baby written all over it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
