she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
