3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize