i jhust puked up my retainher.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
