brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize