U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
