that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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