please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
