btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
