he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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