You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
