i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
