when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize