I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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