WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
