Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
