Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
