he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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