I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
