you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
