i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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