why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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