I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My feet surprised me
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