toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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