I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
