I want you more than these girls want KFC
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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