Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
only if we run a train.
done.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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