I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
