My Higher Power is John Stamos
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this will be a night to untag.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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