Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
