Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
