The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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