I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
