After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
