i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
