flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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