She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize