just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
