I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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