I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
