R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
