Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
