Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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