Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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