I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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