And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
